I am sure that by now most people have heard about the SeaWorld trainer, Dawn Brancheau, 40 who was killed by my fellow cetacean Tilikum, a whale whose name means ìfriend” in the Native American language, Chinook.† As a member of the Seaworld family I frequently came into close contact with Tilly.† There was always something different about him and the news reports will back me up on this.† To me its always seemed like Tilly had his fins in a bunch.† Dawn took a chance on him, a-la ABBA, and it proved fatal.

Dawn isnít the only one who has been affected by Tillyís actions.† Captive whales everywhere especially my fellow whale brethren, have received a constant stream of negative attention since the whole ordeal took place.† Of course it doesnít help that our species name is killer whale, but Iím here to clear the air.

Since the incident happened I have spent countless hours floating around in my tank, thinking.† I think about a lot of things ó new tricks and mostly fish that I want to eat ó but never have I thought about a human I want to eat.† Itís just not something we do.

I donít know what got into Tillyís head that day and I donít find it appropriate to ask him, but his actions are not representative of the entire captive whale community.† I know I speak for the rest of my pod here at Seaworld in saying that itís a crime that we have been painted in the light that has recently befallen us.

Rolling around in my tank, I often extend my thoughts outside of my tank, listening to the things visitors have to say.† Do they like my spots? Is my skin slick enough? Were my tricks up to par in my last show? But recently these thoughts have become things of the past.† Just yesterday while I was practicing wagging my flukes, a family came up to my underwater observation window, ìDid you hear about the trainer?” the parents murmured. ìDonít get to close to the glass, Timmy, those whales kill people,” the father cautioned.† Now, last time I checked a whale has never killed a spectator through aquarium glass.

While getting our fins cleaned the other day, Shamu and I discussed the hit our reputations have taken since the incident. ìBut what can we do about it?” Shamu questioned.† Getting the word out on behalf of the whale community seemed the best solution.

Coming from a ìkiller” whale it might be hard to believe but we really are the gentle giants of the sea.† Humans read their newspapers every day and see reports about murders smeared across the headlines.† The actions of a few bad seeds arenít representative of the entire human race nor should the actions of one bad marine mammal account for the entire orca population.

Whal-È is an orca whale at SeaWorld Orlando and can be reached for comment in his tank on the premises.† For more information stop by his underwater viewing tank or follow him on twitter at www.twitter/speakwhale.com

This story was run as part of The Wooster Vice, an annual April Fools publication.† It is a work of satire.