Few college students are lucky enough to regularly dine in a five-star restaurant, in fact, I would guess that most have never even been to a restaurant where a GarÁon-type man pulls out the chair for you, unfolds your napkin and carefully places it upon your lap.† Well I have a newsflash ladies and gentlemen, youíve been experiencing a five-star dining restaurant all along ó LOWRY!
While maybe you have never had a Lowry worker pull out a chair for you, or place the cloth napkins that they keep stashed in the back on your lap, but did you ASK if they would?† Salad-Bar Sam exclaimed that he ìwould love to pull out a chair for the fine men and women of Wooster! Ask [him] anytime!”
One of the better things about Lowryís fine dining experience is that you get their superbly cooked food in a relaxed setting.† Who wouldnít love to go to a five-star restaurant in your pajamas and not be stared at? Oh, wait, you do go to a five-star restaurant in your pajamas? Thatís weird. Irv at International said that he loves being able to take his breaks and enjoy the relaxed atmosphere created by Woosterís dedicated students as well as enjoy the many fine dishes that Lowry has to offer.† His favorite is taco day.
Whatís really wonderful and unique to the ìLowry experience” is that not only are the cooks five-star quality, but so are the students.† How many five-star restaurants do you know of where you can walk around the whole cafeteria (I mean restaurant) and search for all the perfect toppings for a pizza, then take them to the ìPizza” station, where you give them to the cook and they make it?† I only know of one ó LOWRY.† Sometimes Pam at the Pizza station makes such good pizzas that other people take them ó now that is classy.
Those of you who have been at Wooster for three or more years remember the terrible days when Lowry was only accessible three times a day ó a tragic monstrosity and a tease, to say the least, to have a five-star restaurant so close and yet so inaccessible if you had two breakfasts and one lunch, leaving dinner behind.† However, in the wonderful year of 2008, Lowry changed its ways.† Now, the ìLowry experience” is available as many times a day as you would like, granting that your swipes hold up.† Now everyone can graze the frivolous amount of cereal, the endless salad bar, the different yogurts and the various quanities of salad dressings.† Not to mention a gourmet deli.† For vegetarians Lowry offers an entire vegetarian bar where Vic, the vegetarian bar master will be happy to serve you.† Donít want the Vegetarian bar?† Tough. Vegan? UmmmmÖ
When asked for comment concerning the Lowry dining experience, President Grant Cornwell said, ìI wish I could eat there all the time, everything is so good and cooked so well, but, in order to keep my marvelous figure, I need to stay away. Iíd eat everything!”† he then stared off into space and began to drool a little bit, most likely day-dreaming about the array of cookies Lowry has to offer.† ìWe never advertised Lowry because we wanted our students to enjoy all that it has to offer,” said Cornwell. ìIf the natives of Wooster knew about it, weíd have many of them trying to sneak in, which could prove dangerous.”
Maureen Sill í10, said ìIím soooooo sad to leave, I canít imagine going into the real world and having to cook for myself.† I canít believe I have to leave Lowry behind. Iíve been spoiled, and now Iíll have to live with Stoufferís Lasagna rather than Lowry Lasagna.” Clearly, Maureen has a tough road ahead of her.†† Lowryís five-star relaxed dining experience has certainly spoiled its students.
For more information concerning the five-star menu Lowry has to offer, or more information about dining hours, please go to http://www.wooster.edu/Student-Life/Dining/Locations-and-Menus/Lowry-Dining-†††† Hall/Lowry-Menu.
This story was run as part of The Wooster Vice, an annual April Fools publication.† It is a work of satire.