Because of the recent swine flu scare across the Wooster campus, I have made it a point to become much more aware of the health risks that exist in a college setting.† It is important to take advantage of the vast array of knowledge and resources that is readily available to us as students.
Before coming to this school, I simply based all of my understanding of the prevention and spreading of disease from places like my family MD along with any other specialists that I regularly saw.† They diagnosed my symptoms and explained what was going on with my body.
Once I arrived at Wooster, I realized that I had been wasting my time.† Now that I was in college and learning how to live on my own, I didnít need to be explained anything when I was sick, I could figure it out on my own.†† I had just learned how to do my own laundry, and now I had learned how to diagnose my own sinus infection.† It seemed like a natural progression of maturity.
The Longbrake Wellness Center provides students with this much needed nudge towards maturity.† But donít worry; they donít leave you high and dry.† They walk you through the process.† For example, never before did I think I would find such a treasure trove of remedies for curing the common cold!† The Cold Care Center at the Longbrake was like nothing I had ever seen before.† Zinc tablets, chicken soup and vitamin C, who knew?† My doctor at home would prescribe antibiotics.† But no pharmacy I know has honey sticks on the counter.
Not only has the Longbrake saved me a trip to Wal-Mart, but they also have taught me several tips that have helped me battle countless illnesses.† Tip number one:† gargling salt is the way to handle most diseases. Tip number two:† you should always be suspicious of pregnancy.† If you have a sore wrist, it is important to ask yourself: ìCould I be pregnant?”† Tip number three:† Height, weight, and blood pressure should be taken every couple hours.† Even if sleep is the most essential part of your recovery, it is more important to be woken up for these vitals to be taken.† Tip number four: Ibuprofin or a Zpack will fix it.
So next time you feel a tickle in your throat, remember that you have all the tools you need right down by Wagner.† Sometimes I wonder why we even have a local hospital.
Hannah Diorio-Toth is a regular visitor to the Wellness Center each semester.† She believes in the healing powers of honey and drinks six cups of coffee a day.
This story was run as part of The Wooster Vice, an annual April Fools publication.† It is a work of satire.