On Saturday, a student under the influence of LSD was taken to the Wellness Center against his will after attempting to eat a dog owned by Dr. Hustwit. Upon being taken to Wellness, the student became increasingly combative, especially upon seeing the tropical fish that …
Alpha Omega frarority emerges to hoard all beer
Students in withdrawal of beer, struggling to make it through rest of academic year Emily Bartelbum News Editor The full effects of the new Alpha Omega frarority have finally set in on the students around campus. Since the beginning of January 2012, all of Wooster’s …
Security takes things into its own hands
New changes to go into effect immediately, penalties for violations dire Ramrod Kincannon News Editor In order to combat the rising rate of binge drinking and drug use on campus, a series of changes to the College’s security policy has been proposed. Some are more …
Bite-Sized Sports, April 1st
MLB FAT GUY SPECTACLE RUINED A ground ball that hit Detroit Tigers third baseman Miguel Cabrera in the face two weeks ago may have ruined a rare spectacle — that of a fat guy throwing across the diamond to another fat guy. Cabrera, who …
Mediocre team makes trade for bad quarterback
New bad quarterback expected to compete with other bad quarterback for starting bad quarterback job Ed Bighead Conglom-O Corp. Emotions are still running high in New York following the Jets’ blockbuster trade that sent two future perennial third stringers for former Denver Broncos’ starting quarterback …
Congratulations, you can all stop caring now
T-Sizzle Staff Linebacker Following the Wooster men’s basketball team’s regional semifinal loss to Illinois Wesleyan University on March 9, President Grant Cornwell and Athletic Director Keith Beckett made a formal announcement to the student body. “We are sad to see the Fighting Scots bow out …