Gargle Barn Local Meme, Local Artist In a move that students have called “innovative,” “quirky” and “horribly short-sighted how can they be this fucking stupid,” the Office of Residence Life has been testing a new, budget housing option for the Class of 2022. Students may …
Bissman RA relieved to be reassigned to actual den of lions
Silly Crashtest Features Ice Queen The stickiness of Bissman Hall’s beer and liquor stained stairwells and floors could not hold down another residential assistant (RA) to stay in the saturated Greek-life dorm. After months of anticipating slipping on vomit that sails past the trash cans …
Global warming ends tradition of filling the arch with snow, replaces with flood
Henry Yours Global Warming Expert Unfortunately, students who were disappointed with the destruction of Scot Lanes have no time to rest their salty tear ducts. Due to recent developments in our planet’s climate, snow (as well as polar bears), has been declared a thing of …
Beall Ave. cameras uncover secret squirrel cult
“Woominati” squirrels reportedly planning revolution after the death of one of their kin in transformer accident last semester Macaroon Corkscrew “I Want Coffee” Security and Protective Services (SPS) installed multiple security cameras on Beall Avenue over spring break as an attempt to prevent harassment and …
Voice editors propose weekly riots
Squiggly Liver Another Humanities Major injustices. I’m sure we’ll think of something,” Liver said. The Spew-points Editors are also supportive of the idea of weekly protests. “Hey, if people are protesting, that probably means they’re mad, and it probably means they have something to say, …
Beall Avenue closed, replaced with water slide for students
The success of the Beall Ave. water slide inspired a mock-up of one at Kauke Arch (Photo by Pedro Oilbinoni). Flaky Rings Still Obsessed With Golf After extensive construction work over break, Beall Ave. has been closed from Bornhuetter Hall to Gault Schoolhouse and has …