Citing concerns about increasing diversity at Wooster, the College has announced a new endowed scholarship, The Thomas Stern Scholarship for Diversity-Mindedness.† The scholarship will be given annually to a Caucasian student who shows great dedication to expanding diversity on Woosterís campus.† The scholarship, funded by alumni donations, is the brain-child of the Panel for Improving Student Self-awareness and Engendering Diversity, or PISSED, a student and faculty group formed last year.

ìWe were racking our brains trying to come up with an idea for getting more ethnic minorities to come to The College of Wooster,” said Professor of History Aaron Collins.† ìFinally ó looking around the room at all the faces on the panel, I realized what was needed: more white people! White people who care about diversity, that is.”

Applications for the scholarship will be made available starting in the 2011- 2012 school year.† White students will be asked to complete an essay about how they would improve diversity at Wooster.† Three students will be given the award, and preference will be given to straight male applicants.

Tom Smith í12, a student member of the panel, explained the idea behind the scholarship.

ìWhen it comes to diversity on campus, everyone looks to the minority groups on campus to talk about diversity issues: The Black Student Association, Allies and Queers, the College Republicans, you name it.† But when we founded the Panel on Increasing Diversity, we limited the membership to white students only.† We wanted to prove that white people can be diverse, too. That diversity is not solely the territory of the diverse.”

Clarence Beecher Allen was the first black graduate of the College of Wooster. Lacking a posse to support him, Allen made friends with a number of white students, including Thomas Stern, for whom the scholarship is named.

ìWe chose Stern because he was such a good friend to the Collegeís first black student,” said Collins. ìFor all we know, he could have been the reason Allen made it through school here.”

Once at The College, Thomas Stern Scholars will be expected to contribute to student diversity by raising it in conversation as much as possible, and making sure their fellow students never stop discussing diversity.

ìThings are never going to get better unless we talk about them,” said Smith, a philosophy major. ìSo, ipso facto, talking about things will automatically make them better.”

The panel has previously sponsored guest speakers to talk to students about important diversity issues like white privilege and how not to be accidentally racist.

President Cornwell is excited about the possibilities the scholarship has for making Wooster more diverse.

ìOf course bringing students of color to the College is an important goal,” said Cornwell. ìBut what advocates of diversity have to remember is that so often, diversity begins with white people deciding an institution needs more diversity.† And by honoring and assisting those white people, we can really make Wooster into the global melting pot we want it to be.”

This story was run as part of The Wooster Vice, an annual April Fools publication.† It is a work of satire.