There are important questions in todayís ever-changing world: Why are we here? When will LeBron leave Cleveland? What will happen when Justin Bieberís angelic voice hits puberty? Of course, there are topics that we can dissect much more easily. An area that brings no respect is the mullet.† In honor of Jared Allenís† great season with the Vikings, itís only natural we celebrate his monstrous flow. This little treasure of American heritage has been shouting ìNASCAR” for over 50 years.† However, it is time that the mullet received its 15 minutes of fame for its contributions to other sports. Few have successfully pulled off ìbusiness in the front, party in the back.” Here are our winners:
6. John Kruk
1B/OF, MLB 1986 – 1995
ìBaseball Tonightís” big man may have made the decision to chop his luscious locks once he became a prominent figure on ESPN, but his many years in the league have helped to secure him a spot on our list. His hair reminded many of MacGyver, with the business blending into the party in the back.† Beneath his batting helmet his hair poured out like Troy Polamuluís, flopping about as he waddled around the bases. His signature flow may not have been as long or as distinct as many on our list, but, just like Geraldo Rivera, it always seems to find its way into stories it has no business being in, giving Kruk the unorthodox sixth spot on our list. Solidifying all stereotypes, he was once quoted as saying ìIím not an athlete ó Iím a baseball player.” Rock on, Kruk.
5. Jared Allen
DE, NFL 2004 – present
Allen should win the award for best active mullet, as he is the only player on our list who is still currently playing.† His mullet, which he keeps short during the football season by only letting it cover his neck, is ìmodernized” by shaving lines into the sides of his head.† We view this as classy, but then again Lady Gaga thinks it is too. In a day and age when the ape-drape has lost all of its glamour, the NFLís best tackler still finds a way to bring the mullet into the mainstream.
4. Jaromir Jagr
RW, NHL 1990 – 2008
Jagr is ranked lower on this list than you might expect because if you were to look at him today with his clean-cropped hair you would not be able to tell that he previously rocked the Mississippi-mudslide like a pro.† With the longest mullet on our list, Jagrís lettuce curled and waved as he raced up and down the ice.† While only sporting this curly monstrosity for half of his NHL career, this did account for nine years.† Also another aspect of his Camaro-cut was that the front, or business end was too long to make it distinguishable as the mullet most people ó well, really just us ó dream about.
3. Randy Johnson
P, MLB, 1988 – 2009
The Big Unit rocked this signature Tennessee-tophat for all but two years of his career, or else he would have competed for the No. 2 spot on our list (another thing we can blame on the New York Yankees). His hair perfectly matched his demeanor on the mound, making him look like the one man in the trailer park who you donít want to disturb, even though you just knocked over his keg of Budweiser. Arguably the most decorated athlete on the list, and one of the top left-handed pitchers of all time, his oily locks tossed and turned in the summer breeze as he won over 300 games and punched out one cameraman in his career
2. Barry Melrose
D, NHL 1974 – 1987
Melrose still proudly sports his Canadian passport on national television, proving to the world that mullets and style can live harmoniously together.† As both a player and later an analyst, Melrose has kept his silky-smooth streamlined hair constant for over 30 years. It is as much of a statement now as Dick Vitaleís loud voice, Simon Cowellís extra small t-shirts and Paris Hiltonís surprisingly overwhelming stupidity.
1. Dwayne Schintzius
C, NBA 1990 – 1999
Schintzius, whose last name rivals his hair as his most ridiculous and jaw-dropping aspect, had by far the greatest Alabama-avalanche in sports, and arguably one of the greatest mullets ever constructed.† Seriously, Google this guy. The best way to describe it would be 100 percent† business in the front and 200 percent† party in the back. His career was about as successful as the movie ìGigli,” which allowed more attention to be drawn to his Florida-mudflap. Perfectly crafted, his shoulder length party end was complimented nicely by an army-style business end.† He might have spent more time on his hair than the guys in ìJersey Shore,” that would have been better spent on his basketball career, but, luckily for him, this list does not judge based on that players talent.
Honorable mentions:
Andre Agassi
Tennis, 1986 – 2006
We love his hair, yet couldnít add him to our list after he admitted it was a weave instead of his real hair.† The dedication to wear a mullet wig deserves some credit, however.
Nate Gemberling-Johnson í10
P, Fighting Scots, 2006 – present
For those of you who missed it, Gemberling-Johnson, a pitcher for the Scotsí Baseball team, went from the Bro-Flo to cornrows to a mullet all in one week. Sadly, he cut it down to a bowl cut before we had a chance to talk to him, so he couldnít make our list.