Wynaut Smith
Used Mirror Coat
On March 24, Admissions Tour Guide Kelsey Bridges ’16 unsuccessfully tried to keep her gaggle of prospective students away from the drunken festivities of I.S. Monday. Bridges’s tour group got swept up in the senior parade.
“We were walking through Kauke as I explained the amazing student-professor connection at Wooster,” related Bridges, recently fired. “As usual, we were going to exit through the arch. As we approached, I realized my mistake, but it was too late. An over-eager prospie pushed open the door and immediately got swept away. I entered the fray in an attempt to save him, and the rest of my tour group foolishly followed.”
Prospective students and parents alike found themselves surrounded by cheering, inebriated Wooster students. The visitors to campus had a range of reactions.
“This school is cooler than the other side of the pillow,” exclaimed Timmy Tidwell, a 17-year-old visitor from Indiana. “If this is what it’s like to be a student at Wooster, then count me in.”
“Well, that so-called parade was rather in poor taste,” huffed Candice Tidwell, Timmy’s mother. “I was shocked to see so many students drunk. When I went to college in the ‘70s, students would never have dreamed of being drunk or high on a college campus. Also, the fashion choices were particularly odd.”
“Honestly, I feared for my life,” admitted Sophia Shaw, a diminutive 16-year-old from Cleveland. “From a distance, it was hard to tell if the baby head was real or fake. I thought I might be next.”
The seven other members of Bridges’s tour were never heard from again.
Elaine Ebert, associate director of admissions, was unapologetic about the slip-up.
“What are we supposed to do? Not run tours on I.S. Monday?” Ebert said.