We Suck.
Pitiful Fartists
Lovers of Art and Entertainment, we have let you down. We have terrible taste. There’s no way around it. This realization has brought a deep sense of sorrow and shame, but it has been a necessary step in the healing process. We just have awful, abysmal taste in everything from television shows to music and movies, but we will do our best to make it right.
Take this, for example: Libba is obsessed with Sting. We have to convince her every week to write about something other than that sappy singing baboon for all her articles. Remember her article about “Identity Thief?” At first, it was just an elaborate comparison between the movie’s soundtrack and Sting’s song “Fields of Gold.” We had to make considerable changes. Libba has a picture of the man taped to the back of her COW card.
But Dominic is just as bad. He cannot stop watching the “American Pie” movies. You may not peg our innocent-looking co-editor to be such a fan of those crude and frankly unfunny movies, but he never stops quoting them. He tries to sneak in at least one “apple pie” line into everything he writes, and the rest of the staff has to read through all his articles with a fine toothed comb to get rid of them. His personal dream is to find and marry his very own “Stiffler’s mom.”
We might not have good taste according to the rest of you, but we are each others’ entertainment soul mates. We realized that we have identical taste after discovering that we have both attended Vans Warped Tour nine years in a row and share a deep love for frequent headliner “The Used.” Since then, we have had many lively discussions about which Jonas Brother is the most talented, and how it is a shame that in the wake of the Bennifer break up, we will never get a sequel to “Gigli.”
Our world was shattered when Dominic discovered one of our favorite films, “Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2,” made the list of the worst movies of all time, and since then we have been slowly realizing the depths of our terrible taste.
At this point, you may be asking yourself how we even became A & E editors at this newspaper, and to be honest, we’ve been wondering the same thing. We went to our Editors-in-Chief for some answers.
“More than anything, we just felt bad for you,” said Lee McKinstry ’13. Emily Timmerman ’13 nodded vehemently in agreement. “You clearly think that you have decent taste, and we thought we could give you a chance. But you have worse taste than we ever thought possible. I mean, Libba, you’re excited for “Grown-Ups 2.”
“Even I have better taste than you guys, and I just do sports,” chimed in Sports Editor Travis Marmon ’14.
So, Wooster students, this column is both a confession and a pledge. We will no longer let you down. In an effort to become more entertainment savvy, Dominic is going to watch every season of “Big Brother,” and Libba will listen to every album ever made by Prince.
