On Saturday, a student under the influence of LSD was taken to the Wellness Center against his will after attempting to eat a dog owned by Dr. Hustwit.
Upon being taken to Wellness, the student became increasingly combative, especially upon seeing the tropical fish that are held in an aquarium in the lobby.
The student, who experienced what drug experts and Phish fans call “ego death,” began to pull his hair out. He then attempted to pay the Wellness Center staff for their trouble with said hair, still attached to the follicles. The student was given Valium and is currently in a tranquil, although disoriented, state.
The fish could not be reached for comment.