A foundation of envy

The PEC jealousy due to Scot Center’s attention

Ian Benson

Actually a Teenage Girl

What was originally believed to be a sect of psychic vampires dwelling in the Armington Physical Education Center and causing mischief, such as trapping students in the pool by hiding the ladder,  has actually been revealed to be the building itself. Apparently, the old building has been throwing a fit of jealousy over the new Scot Center’s sudden popularity.

Dean Holmes announced the news, going on to say, “It’s like the old PEC has spent all of its life an only child and suddenly has to adjust to having a little brother. Only the little brother is a $30 million project that is pretty much all we’ve talked about here at the administration for the last few months. By the way, did you know that the Scot Center’s solar roof is the largest at any college in the United States?”

When asked for a comment regarding this news, the PEC remained silent, regarding me with what seemed like sad eyes. Students attempted to cheer the building up and show that someone still loved it, from Jake Ryan ’12 baking it a cake after everyone forgot its birthday and Lloyd Dobler ’13 playing “In Your Eyes” for the building, proved fruitless. The best I got was what sounded like a small sob when I hugged the building, though that may have just been the wind, or at least I hope it was the wind.

The PEC isn’t the only building that is reportedly suffering from self-esteem issues following the new additions. Security has dealt with multiple complaints from students that the second floor of Andrews Library has reportedly called them names such as “loser,” “lamezoid,” or “nerd” and acted in similarly hostile manners. One student reportedly had books repeatedly thrown at him before being forced to move to the CoRE, hearing the second floor ask “What the f*** is wrong with me?” before breaking into sobs as the student descended the stairs.

It’s easy to get caught up in the hype of the new buildings and additions, but it’s important to remember that this isn’t a victimless crime. The buildings that have been here as long as we’ve attended this school and were in bad shape since before we were born, have feelings too, despite being buildings. So remember to thank the old PEC and show it some love the next time you’re running on one of those cool treadmills in the Scot Center with the TVs, as opposed to those old broken ones there used to be in the PEC. Seriously, those things were shit.

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