I love when I overhear students talking about “the real world.” No, not the reality show on MTV where “seven strangers are picked to live in a house and have their lives taped,” but that foreign destination that every senior faces post-graduation.

My favorite part about people discussing the real world is when they say how much they can’t wait to get to it. As a senior, I don’t know if I’m ever going to be ready for the real world. So, in the spirit of my final year at college, it’s time for a good old-fashioned cage match. In one corner, we have the elusive “real world.” In the other, the small community that is our college. Three rounds. No gloves. Let’s get ready to rumble.

Round 1: Living in a dorm room vs. living in an apartment

Living in the dorms has its advantages and disadvantages. There is certainly no arguing that. On one side, you have to share the generally incredibly small space (shout out to the Bissman kids) with another person and most times are forced to loft your bed so high you have a continual headache from hitting your forehead on the ceiling when you sit up. Also, getting caught drinking in the dorms results in a drinking infraction and then you’ll have to repent by taking an online alcohol class. In “the real world” however, the cops have important things to do.

Drinking in an apartment is, in fact, entirely legal. In an apartment, you have a full bed, your own bathroom, a couch and maybe even a cat. People respect your space and don’t think that spilling glasses of sugary drink on your ground is “so college.” There are some good things about living in the dorms, though. You have a staff that comes and cleans your bathroom daily and you can always find a fork when you’re making Easy Mac. Have I made life long friendships and bonded in ways I can’t explain in the dorms? Yes. Round 1 goes to dorm life!

Round 2: Getting Sexiled vs. Getting Evicted

On one hand, you don’t get to sleep in your comfy dorm room tonight. On the other hand, at least you don’t have to sleep outside (and since when are dorm rooms comfy?). On one foot, you have a furious landlord, frightened neighbors and a bunch of burned clothes (yes, I’m assuming you got evicted because of a meth lab explosion). On the other foot, at least you know no one’s hooking up three feet away from your open bag of Doritos. On one cheek, you’re going to be too tired to make it to class tomorrowÖ actually, that works for both. Let’s just turn the other cheek and call this round a draw.

Round 3: Meal Plan vs. No Plan

I have many fond memories of eating on campus in my collegiate career. Lowry offers a variety of classics like chicken nuggets, gorky chicken and the infamous, heart-stopping, craze-creating macaroni and cheese day. What changed my mind, though, was when Panera opened in the spring of my freshman year. Although I am probably a little more broke because of it, the French onion soup and Caesar salad changed my outlook on Wooster.

Off-campus dining provides infinitely more options, not only for what you eat, but also how much you pay for it. Little do you know how much eating at Lowry costs when you break it down. We’re full-time students, so unless you work at Dominos, you probably don’t roll with too much dough. One way I’ve cut down of food costs is by doing my grocery shopping on eBay: $2.50 for a like-new Eggo waffle? Deal. Round three goes to No Plan.

Tiebreaker: I like college more.

I guess it would’ve made more sense just to start with this one. I am the ref, after all.

Laney Austin is a news editor for the Voice. She can be reached for comment at LAustin11@wooster.edu.