Archive | March, 2018

Global warming ends tradition of filling the arch with snow, replaces with flood

Henry Yours Global Warming Expert Unfortunately, students who were disappointed with the destruction of Scot Lanes have no time to rest their salty tear ducts. Due to recent developments in our planet’s climate, snow (as well as polar bears), has been declared a thing of the past.. The tradition has now been replaced with flooding […]

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Beall Ave. cameras uncover secret squirrel cult

“Woominati” squirrels reportedly planning revolution after the death of one of their kin in transformer accident last semester Macaroon Corkscrew “I Want Coffee” Security and Protective Services (SPS) installed multiple security cameras on Beall Avenue over spring break as an attempt to prevent harassment and other incidents on the road. The installation was revealed late […]

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Voice editors propose weekly riots

Squiggly Liver Another Humanities Major injustices. I’m sure we’ll think of something,” Liver said. The Spew-points Editors are also supportive of the idea of weekly protests. “Hey, if people are protesting, that probably means they’re mad, and it probably means they have something to say, whether in favor of or against the protest,” said Careless […]

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Beall Avenue closed, replaced with water slide for students

The success of the Beall Ave. water slide inspired a mock-up of one at Kauke Arch (Photo by Pedro Oilbinoni). Flaky Rings Still Obsessed With Golf After extensive construction work over break, Beall Ave. has been closed from Bornhuetter Hall to Gault Schoolhouse and has been replaced by a water slide. According to Dean of […]

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McGaw Chapel flies back to mother planet

Brick Stone Truth Seeker Wooster students returning from Spring Break were surprised to discover McGaw Chapel had began its return voyage to its mother planet, Presbyteria. Many had previously noted McGaw’s peculiar architectural features, often jokingly saying that it looked more like a spaceship than a chapel. Only a select few in the physics department […]

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Obituaries

Scot Lanes The last pin was to fall one day. Scot Lanes was to be ripped off from the Wooster map, its alleys torn apart, to make way for the capitalist venture of modification. In its final days, with the $1 cover lifted as it breathed its last, scores of students gathered each evening to […]

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