Hey, LeBron: We’re never going to take you back

Julie Kendall

Hey, here’s a funny one. LeBron James said he would consider coming back to play for Cleveland. If the fans would take him back, that is.

At a practice in Cleveland last Thursday before the Heat took on the Cavaliers, James reportedly said, “I had a lot of fun times here. You can’t predict the future … I’m here as a Miami player and I’m happy where I am now but I don’t rule [a return] out in any sense. If I decide to come back, hopefully the fans will accept me.”

Now, I’m not going to go on a tirade about how LeBron is a traitor, how Cleveland fans will never accept him back, how he broke the heart of a town that cares far too much about professional sports and holds grudges for far too long. We made all of that pretty clear when we burned our number-23 wine and gold jerseys back in July 2010.  But I am troubled about the man’s poor, poor public relations skills.

LeBron should know that when a reporter sticks a microphone in front of his face and forces him to talk about a rather sensational and awkward situation, whatever comes out of his mouth is going to be heavily analyzed and scrutinized by sports commentators who need a good controversy to fill time on their 24-hour networks.

Naturally, he would want to take the opportunity to try and diffuse some of the tension that persists a year and a half after he left, but he’s got to learn that he’s not going to please anybody by acting like a needy ex-boyfriend.

It’s impossible for us to tell what the true intention was behind these comments. Maybe LeBron feels legitimate guilt about Decision-Gate. Maybe he’s embarrassed that his plan to win a championship in Miami has yet to be realized, and maybe he would like to return to a simpler time when he was the uncontested idol of a town. Or maybe he just lacks total self-awareness of what he means to anybody anymore.

Whatever his intention, James’ words come off as disrespectful to both Cleveland and Miami fans. It feels like a bad breakup. Just when the Cavs were starting to find the strength to pull themselves out of bed and move on with their next relationship, he just had to call and remind everyone of those glory days. To think that we would entertain a reunion is just foolish and cruel.

LeBron James is an incredible talent, and yes, I wish he still played for my hometown. But he’s tainted goods now, and as much as we crave a championship, it would be absolutely wrong to get it through a guy who thinks we need him more than he needs us.

I’m not holding my breath for a fairy tale ending in which the Cavs win a championship before the Heat does, as Dan Gilbert famously guaranteed back when the wounds were fresh.

We in Cleveland know better than to hope for sports glory. But if we can’t have that, at least let us stew in our hatred for our exes. And please, LeBron, stop calling.