Travis Marmon

I understand that we have had a vandalism problem at this school recently. I get that drunken students trash Mom’s on a regular basis and that an underage student winds up in the Wellness Center with alcohol poisoning seemingly every week. But even with all these problems, I can’t look at the concept of “party monitors” without thinking it’s an incredibly stupid idea that is destined to go down in flames.

For those that missed the news, starting next semester, it will be mandatory for students to notify Security and Protective Services three business days in advance of any party they plan to throw. A party in this instance is any gathering that fits two of the following three criteria: 1) Alcohol is served; 2) 35 or more people are there; 3) it is advertized in advance. If it fits the criteria, Security will assign student “party monitors” to go there, be sober and … make sure nothing bad happens, I guess? It is unclear what the party monitors will actually do once they arrive, but I foresee a number of problems with all possible outcomes.

First of all, who will actually sign up to be a party monitor? If a monitor is expected to call Security on the party when, say, underage drinking occurs, then they are signing up to be a pariah. No matter how well-intentioned they may be, the monitor will be the walking embodiment of a disapproving administration in the eyes of attendees.

On top of that, who will sign up to go sober to a party and stay there the whole time? Like most students, I enjoy going out on weekends regardless of whether or not I plan to imbibe. However, part of the fun is that I get to choose where I go and with whom I socialize. Sometimes I’d rather stay in and watch sports or even get some work done. If I understand the system properly (and please correct me if I don’t), party monitors will not get these options. Imagine planning a Friday night to yourself, hoping to get a big assignment done and take some stress off, when you receive word that you have to attend a giant frat party full of people you don’t know and make sure it doesn’t get out of control. Perhaps this is why party planners are supposed to notify Security in advance, but sometimes having a few friends over turns into an impromptu party, in which case somebody is expected to call Security and let them know about it (which I’m sure will go over just fine and not lead to an early shutdown every time).

A sober party monitor will not prevent most bad things that happen on weekends. A broken window at Mom’s or a mangled street sign occurs after people leave the parties. One or two sober people breaking up a fight between enraged drunks? I don’t like those odds. How about something really dire, like a sexual assault? Is a party monitor any more likely to prevent that from happening than other partygoers? I sincerely doubt it.

And how are students going to react to a $200 fine for a first-time party violation? It’s not going to be pretty. It will be even less pretty when the wrong student’s parents have to pay for it. While some may simply reprimand their kid for being a drunken buffoon, many more will look at the ever-increasing price tag of the College and think of the party fine as yet another way for the school to nickel and dime them.

Finally, the fact that the Judicial Committee felt the need to implement party monitors feels somewhat insulting. Can we as students not handle ourselves better than any other college? It seems to me like a case of the few ruining things for the many. I’m a senior, and I’ve never been to a party on this campus that went too far. They’re more likely to get shut down because of noise complaints. I’ve also never witnessed a fight here, nor have most of my friends. Maybe I’m worrying about nothing—party monitors were supposed to have training last month, so they must already have signed up. But once next semester starts, I see things going very, very poorly.