Nwanne Eke
Contributing Writer
Every week, The Wooster Voice features a section called “Henry’s Hierarchies” in which Henry Schneiderman ’26 subjects readers to his awful takes on various subjects. From bugs and Pixar movies to ice cream and hot drinks, his nonsensical rankings have made me question not just his discernment but also the functionality of his taste buds.
I, along with other readers, thought the graduation of former tier lister Thomas Pitney ’24 would bring relief to the student population, as he too was no stranger to delivering terrible tier lists every week. However, with the passing of the baton to Henry, readers have continued to be burdened with the pain of reading equally egregious takes.
His reign did start on a high note with what I would classify as a fair ranking of fruits (though I must push back on ranking bananas as S-Tier — when you hear someone loudly and proudly ask for anything banana-flavored, get back to me). However, as the weeks have gone by, I find myself in fear of what will appear on that final page of the paper. My anxiety grows with each flip, not knowing what’s in store.
As I correspond with my friends, we find ourselves wondering what metric is being used to value the different items. Are we going off taste, smell, general vibe, familiarity? I even find myself questioning Henry’s upbringing. How does one get to a state where hot water as a drink is placed above LITERALLY EVERYTHING WITH FLAVOR EXCEPT HOT CHOCOLATE.
(Sidenote – this placement makes me question his hot chocolate preparation methods. Are we making it with milk or water? While I am not a fan of “yucking others’ yums,” if it’s the latter … YUCK!)
While I, too, love disliking things just for the love of the game as a self-proclaimed #hater, I can’t stand for this madness. We must restore order and peace to the newspaper — or at least provide some kind of nuance to these rankings. I can’t help but wonder: is Schneiderman using his athletic talent not just on the track but also to sprint desperately away from flavor and enjoyment? Placing hot water in S-Tier rank … it’s giving sad, beige, baby. To Henry, I raise the following question: Are these really your true opinions? if so … seek help. Or is it all rage bait?
In the case of the latter — congratulations. You’ve done well.
