Haley Huett
A&E Editor
There are many different philosophical approaches to the topic of love. Almost universally, love is said to be a response to value. When you love someone, you love them because they are beautiful or smart. Maybe they’re really funny or deliciously tall. We see these qualities represented in others and it is natural to respond to them. Perhaps we wish we had those qualities in ourselves. Perhaps we just like a person who will eat the pickle on our plate that we don’t want. Value, though, is exclusively positive.
The antithesis of true love, however, is responding too powerfully to value. Do you truly love someone that you idolize? It never feels good to be placed on a pedestal. To love someone, I think, is to accept them in all their humanity. It is impossible to be perfect – to expect it from ourselves or from others. To love in the presence of flaws is to love completely. I love – my friends, my family, everyone – for the composite of their character, not for the palatable parts. It is easy to fall into the trap of loving value, so many philosophers before you have already done so. Love, in essence, should be reexamined as the love of flaws and value alike.
I fail to see the point in fair weather friends, so to speak. I love my sister even though she’s a Cancer sun. My friends love me despite how cranky I get in the morning and how energetic (read: annoying) I can be. The purpose of loving someone is to know them completely. If someone only sees me for my value, can they really know who I am? I don’t understand the purpose in building empty relationships.
It is easy to see love as positively directional. It becomes a set of steps: meet someone, think they’re cool, grow to love them. This notion does not allow for the acceptance of imperfections. It requires erasing their negative attributes or turning flaws to values. The beloved, maybe too loud before, becomes chatty and sociable in your eyes. Donning rose-colored glasses isn’t necessary to love someone, eventually they come off anyway.
Do away with the rosy view of your friends, your partner and your family. With anyone you love, it isn’t necessary. Love the people in your life as they are, not for who they could be.
