Lion Forests
Golfer/Monogamy Rejecter
Many people ask me what I want to be when I grow up. I answer quite easily — Mac Bellovich ’20. Mr. Bellovich, native son of Grosse Pointe, averaged 78.9 strokes over 11 rounds. For those of you who don’t deserve to breathe the same air as this demi-god who walks among us, those are great statistics. Mr. Bellovich is only the icing on the cake that is Wooster’s men’s golf team, and out of a sense of moral duty I will express my praise for their efforts.
Praise not only belongs to Mac, but of course to Brenden Tully ’18. Not only does he average 79.9 strokes over 15 rounds, he plays guitar! While he probably does not play golf and guitar at the same time, he absolutely could if he wanted to.
If someone were to describe themselves focused or lucky, I would spit on their face. Not out of any malice, but because these words are meant to only describe Andrew DeLaat ’19, a veteran staple of the past two seasons for men’s golf. Beyond a leonine brow and ability to make sunflower yellow polos the newest fashion trend, his impressive placement at the NCAC Championship Series would make anyone weep in awe.
“I’m not gonna lie, I was in tears for days on end,” lauded student Andrew Baroness-Tortilla ’29. “Bust out the waterworks, because the beauty of his athletic prowess is equitable to the most gorgeous sunset that can ever be imagined. He’s a Greek god out there!”
Evan Jenkins ’20 is another strong competitor. Although he majors in political science, the only scientific fact I can observe is his badassness. He and Jimmy Hinton ’20 proudly have brought horizontal stripes back into the golf fashion show.
Of course if praise is deserved, it certainly goes to Mr. Ryan Shaw ’20. Of the Greater Latrobe region, Mr. Shaw earned three letters in golf. Those letters? OMG.
Golf aficionados want to know how to have the perfect swing. Thankfully, it is incredibly easy to remember, thanks to a simple acronym I made up using every member of the men’s golf team’s initials: MBRBCADEFJHEJCORRDRRSBT, or “Make bones relaxed, cool down the bones. Always don’t even forget just hit every time. Join clubs or read Reader’s Digest. Ric Reynolds says ‘Buy Titleist.’”
So take a minute from your day, and admire the fact that you live during the same epoch as these Gol(f)iaths. Breathe in the air. The smell of fairway. Ric Reynold’s detergent. Aquafresh.