Mariah is Joyous
Maddi’s Resident
Yardley Young ’17 found herself the subject of ridicule this past Monday after receiving yet another package from home.
The ecstatic freshman, who hails from Columbus, Ohio, opened her mail while onlookers glared.
“What a loser,” commented Melanie Edgewood ’15. “Yeah, maybe I don’t really get mail from home, but at least I actually have friends at school.”
“Look at that douche,” added Christopher Oakley ’14. “Who gets that happy about a package from her parents? We get it. Your parents adore you.”
Since starting school in the August of 2011, Edgewood has received two packages from home. Of these, one contained nothing but a half-eaten box of stale Oreos. Oakley has received none.
As Young walked back to her dorm, Oakley dealt with his feelings of abandonment by yelling taunts at the freshman’s retreating figure.
At press time, sources report that Young was happily enjoying her mother’s homemade chocolate chip cookies, while Edgewood had been seen crying in the Lowry bathroom.
