Don Piacentinitinitini
Is Wide Awake
We all know that Beyoncé Knowles is just okay. Her bland Super Bowl performance was certainly a letdown after the Black Eyed Peas’ impeccable and exciting halftime show in 2011. Beyoncé’s concert definitely lacked the effect Slash had as he rose from the depths of the stage. The performance stretched on for an unbearably lengthy thirteen minutes. Outraged attendants of the game bravely attempted to turn off the lights to blind the audience from Beyoncé and her skimpy black leather outfit that absolutely did not make her voluptuous hips, silky skin, and bootylicious body look hot…at all.
If anything, this halftime show finally proved that the other members of Destiny’s Child have far surpassed Beyoncé in talent. The dismantling of Destiny’s Child clearly isolated Beyoncé and exposed her average vocals and increasingly disappointing dancing.
How then has Beyoncé gathered such an impressive following? Mrs. Knowles must have some kind of mesmerizing means to capture such a fan base. This pendulum of hypnotization could be nothing other than her hair. Although her hair tosses appear to be no more than some kind of nervous twitch, they have seized the attention of vulnerable viewers and turned them into an army of mindless zombie fans.
Knowles’ less than average performances would be excusable if one does not consider the content of her lyrical endeavors. What corrupt ideals is she trying to instill in her listeners’ minds? Independence? Strength? Self-assurance?
Readers, this moral perversity cannot continue. I urge you to rally behind inspirational artists like Ke$ha who would better serve as role models for our youth. The values expressed in Ke$ha’s work (Jack Daniels and Glitter for example) are vital to the psychological upbringing of young girls, and yet Ke$ha was not the performer asked to sing at this year’s inauguration.
Yes, it seems Beyoncé has even infiltrated the United States government. How else could she have been chosen among hundreds of more talented performers with more traditional American values? This may appear to hold no more weight than conspiracy theories like walking on the moon and Honey Nut Cheerios, but Beyoncé’s intent is obvious in the lyrics of one of her most popular pieces. Her release of “Run the World (Girls)” in 2011 included the lines, “My persuasion can build a nation. Endless power, with our love we can devour. You’ll do anything for me.” How National Security can ignore such lyrics is beyond me.
It is clear that Knowles longs for world domination through some kind of totalitarian sing-a-long. Citizens would be forced to put their hands up and flip it back and forth in salute to Beyoncé and daily perform a mandated choreography of allegiance praising Beyoncé and all of the single ladies.
Readers, educate yourselves. Beyoncé threatens not only the future of good music, but also the morality of the nation and our right to sing and dance as we please. We must do what we can to resist her fallacious talent and her deceptively perfect persona in order to protect and preserve our nation and all of Ke$ha’s glitter.