New bad quarterback expected to compete with other bad quarterback for starting bad quarterback job
Ed Bighead
Conglom-O Corp.
Emotions are still running high in New York following the Jets’ blockbuster trade that sent two future perennial third stringers for former Denver Broncos’ starting quarterback Tim Tebow. In fact, it’s not a difficult stretch to say the nation hasn’t been this overjoyed about two bad quarterbacks since the Browns chose Tim Couch over Akili Smith in the 1999 NFL draft.
When asked about the decision to bring in a bad quarterback to compete with fellow bad quarterback Mark Sanchez, Jets’ coach Rex Ryan explained, “It was a tough decision. Mark was absolutely our quarterback during the 2011-12 season and will continue to be our quarterback for this season. Tim’s just there to remind him the moment he throws a bad pass, Tebowmania is going to come down on him like acid rain,” before stopping the interview short for cutting into his snack time.
Sanchez had been under scrutiny all season long from the media and often seemed to lose the support of his teammates because of his lackluster play. Bringing in Tebow is a bold move because it places the faith of the team in either a quarterback that can’t play quarterback or someone who’s too busy sleeping with your girlfriend.
Tebow was officially introduced as a Jet on Monday in a press conference, where he took questions regarding his feelings about his new team and playing in New York. Tebow seemed uncomfortable, though he had just had his first meeting with Coach Ryan, who discussed his foot fetish, and also mentioned how he was aghast at the number of Planned Parenthoods in the greater New York area.
Sanchez, on the other hand, had skipped the press conference, with rumors as to his whereabouts varying from he was too busy crying, to being too busy sleeping with Kate Upton, to being too busy sleeping with your girlfriend. Tebow mentioned how his first interaction with Sanchez was pleasant and said, “He’s nothing like the godless Sodomites that I thought all Californians were.”
The rest of the Jets’ offense reacted with less excitement, with the wide receiving corps taking the news especially bad. Santonio Holmes, who had been critical of Sanchez at the end of the season, questioned whether he was being punished for sins in a previous life and loudly wondered if he’d ever catch a football again.
Tebow, however, was undeterred by these comments, stating, “I’m firmly committed to the New York Jets now and Mark and I are going to work together on throwing the ball and missing the playoffs.”
