On the lighter side…
Ramsey Kincannon
News Editor
Usually, when Grand Theft Auto is reported, it involves a sleek, sexy sports car. That was not the case in Cleveland, Ohio, where thieves stole a hearse from Greenfield Crematory. However, the thieves quickly realized that the vehicle came with a dead women and a gurney inside of it. After receiving a tip about the location of the abandoned vehicle, police officers discovered the hearse, sans corpse. Inside, though, was a convenient note left by the robbers, which specifically mentioned where the occupied coffin was left — about two miles away. The corpse was strapped to the gurney inside a locked building and was returned without incident.
When a morgue is robbed, police officers believe that the morgue is targeted for their embalming chemicals. When formaldehyde and methanol (typically what makes up embalming fluid) are mixed with other drugs, it can create a potent high. Officers are unsure whether or not any of these chemicals were taken, but computer equipment was taken from the crematory.
Jim Murphy, the president of Schulte & Mahon-Murphy Funeral Home, says that the corpse was not harmed. “Everything is fine,” he announced, “No harm done.” No one had been arrested by the time the body was recovered. The funeral happened on time.