Everyone goes through a phase in his or her life where driving obnoxiously fast is cool. The normal age for this to occur is around the time you get your license and the whole world seems like your oyster. The road is a big open tar mattress just begging you to scrape your tires along its smooth surface, all the while passing effortlessly around cars going too ìslow” for your daredevil antics. However, most people grow out of this phase when they get their first speeding ticket, get a frightening lecture from their moms or just realize that eventually they will probably kill themselves. For those select few idiots out there who never realized this and still drive their Kia Sportages at top speed down Beall Ave, please stop.
For the sake of consistency, the default car used in this article will be the Kia Sportage. Before you send in complaints or start a Facebook group called ìStop Writing, Laney. We Love our Kia Sportages,” know that I have no problem with them, but honestly feel like the drivers of this car and similar models makes me feel that they own the road and that gives them the freedom to max out their speedometer at any chance they get. I understand that your Kia Sportage has an accelerator pedal, but I donít care.
Allow me to paint a picture: Youíre driving down I-71 (aka the big highway that leads you into Ohioís largest metropolis) in the left lane, humming along to the latest T. Swift and enjoying a beautiful fall day in the Akron/Canton area. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a Kia Sportage charges on your tail; so close you literally look like some sort of deformed limousine. Annoyed, you move over to the center lane, thinking that the car will simply pass by and continue on its way. Unfortunately, that is never the case. The driver (who for some reason is always wearing fake Oakleys) revs their engine hard and jets by you in a blinding light as if to say ìMy super-charged Sportage doesnít have the time of day for your common mid-size sedan.” All right, Mr. FOakley, you showed me.
It is also not an excuse to drive really fast because you have a cool car. Luckily for us, we go to school in Wooster so the extent of cool cars around here is someoneís momís Volvo, but seriously, itís still equally lame. I have never been impressed by someone in a Lamborghini blowing by me at the speed of sound. Instead, I find myself yelling curse word after curse word at them because they are jeopardizing such a wonderful machine, not to mention their life. Slowing down will prevent you from losing both. You make the road safer for me and all the other average-speeding people out there. Besides, the people driving super nice cars are generally middle-aged, balding businessmen who feel important by passing by a 60-year-old woman in a Buick LeSabre.
Letís face it, we go to a school that is based around a single road that connects our academic lives to our personal ones. Having college students fly down Beall Avenue everyday, nearly decapitating our peers, is just plain dangerous. So the next time your Kia Sportage steering wheel is shaking† underneath your fingertips, begging you to leave everyone around in your dust ó take a deep breath, go rent the ìFast and the Furious” and get a life.