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Lack of Type II got you blue?

Anna UNC Chapel Hill

Do you ever find yourself in a love hate relationship with your workout plan? Do you love people seeing you at the gym, but cannot stand running on a treadmill for more than 25 minutes? Guess what? You’re not alone. Yesterday, my friend came over and asked me how I keep such a strict gym regimen. She was having a hard time wanting to go to the gym every day.  The truth is I don’t want to either. I just pretend like I do. Faking a hard workout at the gym is way easier than actually doing a two hour workout.  After some experimenting of my own a couple of years back, I discovered that there are many ways to make it look like you’re trying harder than you actually are.

Everyone knows that a workout doesn’t count unless people you know see you working out. Make sure that you plan your day around working out at 4 p.m. That is when almost all of the sports teams and workout buffs are there and your intense  routine can be spread by word of mouth. Added bonus: If you are looking for guys at Wooster with six-pack abs, they are not in the library at 4 p.m. They are pumping iron in the Scot Center. If that isn’t motivation to get  yourself there, I don’t know what is.

You cannot visit the gym without looking like a model in runway season already. Ladies, this is the hardest part for us, because trying to exercise while looking like a Victoria’s Secret model is difficult. Very few are able to accomplish this feat, but I will give you some of my insider tips. First, you should buy highlighter colored running shoes (preferably Nike). And remember, nothing says “in shape all-star” quite like a pair of Nike shorts. Make sure that they are the same color as the Nike swish on your shoe. Trust me, when dressing at the gym, there is a fine line between matching and rocking a gym outfit. Girls who match their shoes to their shorts and shirt look like a pathetic off-brand ad. The girls who match their shorts to their Nike swish look fierce.

Just like the real athletes, you can’t work out without proper equipment! Without your Wooster Nalgene you scream ‘gym newbie’ to all of the other students. If you want to look like you have been working out for hours without the gross smell of sweat, accidently spill some of your water down your shirt. This will show how serious you are about getting a good workout in.

The last step of creating the perfect workout is perfecting your workout playlist. After all what else is going to get you through your run on the treadmill? Watching re-runs of “How I Met Your Mother” on the TVs? I don’t think so. The first step is getting rid of all of that alternative music that you have on your iPod to show everyone how eclectic your music taste is. No one cares that you listen to The Airborne Toxic Event except the drunken hippies you hang out with on the weekend who probably don’t even care either. Instead of those hipster sounds, try something a little more straightforward like Super Mash Bros’ “Tour de Franzia.” Nothing pumps me up for a good workout like a pounding voice yelling “Barbra Streisand” in my ear. After a couple more dubstep songs, play an exercise classic—“Eye of the Tiger.” The song reminds you to keep your eyes on the prize and let’s everyone know that you’re at the gym to do serious business.

With these tips, you will look like a fitness expert in the gym. For those who are too lazy to go to the gym every day, you can achieve the just-worked-out look without entering the Scot Center at all. The morning after a rowdy Saturday night, put on a pair of Nike shorts and your  shoes and pull your hair back. If you’re lucky, your make-up will look a little smudged because you were too drunk to take it off last night. After all, there is no real difference between the sweaty-just-worked-out look and the I’m-too-lazy-to-shower-after-last-night look.

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