“Woominati” squirrels reportedly planning revolution after the death of one of their kin in transformer accident last semester Macaroon Corkscrew “I Want Coffee” Security and Protective Services (SPS) installed multiple security cameras on Beall Avenue over spring break as an attempt to prevent harassment and …
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Tristan Lopus
Global warming ends tradition of filling the arch with snow, replaces with flood
Henry Yours Global Warming Expert Unfortunately, students who were disappointed with the destruction of Scot Lanes have no time to rest their salty tear ducts. Due to recent developments in our planet’s climate, snow (as well as polar bears), has been declared a thing of …
Bissman RA relieved to be reassigned to actual den of lions
Silly Crashtest Features Ice Queen The stickiness of Bissman Hall’s beer and liquor stained stairwells and floors could not hold down another residential assistant (RA) to stay in the saturated Greek-life dorm. After months of anticipating slipping on vomit that sails past the trash cans …
ResLife offers New reduced Rate option of hammocks
Gargle Barn Local Meme, Local Artist In a move that students have called “innovative,” “quirky” and “horribly short-sighted how can they be this fucking stupid,” the Office of Residence Life has been testing a new, budget housing option for the Class of 2022. Students may …
Senior creates Scott Brown speech generator for I.S.
Triscuit Lopus Specifically, Zesty Flavor Ever wondered what your daily conversations and other verbal interactions would sound like in the signature speaking style of Scott Brown, the Vice President for Student Affairs/Dean of Students? Wonder no more. This year, Riley Watson ’18, an enterprising computer …
Ebert Art Center redesigned and renamed, simply, “Bert”
Jolly St. Nick AWOL F&B Editor In commemoration of the minimalist art movement of the 1960s, the Ebert Art Center has been renamed to simply Bert. “Wooster is a place of syllabic excess,” claimed Kitty Zurko, Bert’s curator. “Take ‘Severance Hall,’ or ‘Longbrake Student Wellness …