Sandy Kay
Foreign Fish
We’ve all seen that guy in Lowry eating alone and we’ve always pitied him. Here’s ten reasons why you shouldn’t:
1. Lowry has cheesecake today. And he doesn’t want to be caught with his ninth piece especially since it doesn’t exactly go with his laxbro image.
2. It’s Sunday morning, he’s had a rough night that involved some questionable pictures he doesn’t remembering taking and isn’t going to take too kindly to human interaction right now.
3. He swiped in with a box but that box is obviously exclusively for cookies and he doesn’t want anyone to see him with a box and a plate.
4. There are only six days of the semester left and he’s one of those with far too many meal swipes, and this is his fifth meal today. He was out of friend options to go to dinner with.
5. People watching. Nobody wants to make small talk with another entity when indulging in important, life-impacting actions such as this.
6. He wishes to be as unnoticeable as possible ever since he had to get the traditional athlete haircut for the new season.
7. It’s I.S. Monday and he’s not a senior so he doesn’t want to be trampled upon by the herd of animals students outside.
8. The new Kingdom Hearts game is out. LEAVE HIM ALONE.
9. He is actually Dean Holmes in disguise the morning after he sent out the ‘hearty bunch’ email. No explanations for why nobody wants to go to dinner with him.
10. He’s actually wishing you’ll sit next to him and ask how he’s doing.