We need to have a talk.
If you have come as far as the second sentence of this essay, chances are you know how to read. I applaud this, but at the same time I must ask you: would you rather read this, or would you rather watch someone say it on YouTube?
Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you today to announce the death of reading. For many this might be a sad proclamation. You might want to remember all the time you spent in The Magic Treehouse, or with Judy Bloom, Nancy Drew or even Christian Grey. But someone had to put a fork in this dying turkey, and given it is almost Thanksgiving I thought it was time we came together and finally quit reading.
Now, some of you might be asking, “Why do we need to quit reading?”
I was once just as naive, but we must grow up to realize all things have a start and an end. Print had its time, and that was 600 years ago when monks used printing presses. Ever since then it’s been an embarrassing struggle for books trying to reclaim their heyday of the 15th century.
Nowadays we have cameras, smartphones and even Google glasses. Books are the way of the past. We live in a world where the movie is always better than the book. Do you want to know why? Because it’s a movie, and books are naturally inferior.
People often say the book is better than the movie adaptation. I call these people liars. Chances are these people haven’t even read the book. I know I haven’t. The movie is almost always better than the book, and I have the reasons to prove it.
Reason one: Ryan Gosling. Think of a single movie that Gosling was in that would have been made better by being in paper form. Exactly — it’s impossible. Those glossy eyes, erudite charms, wondrous personality and dimples beyond cuteness. None of these translate into a book, unless it has a photo section in the middle. Even then it doesn’t encapsulate the beauty of living presence that film captures.
Reason two: Attention spans. Research has shown our attention spans have shrunken over the past 16 years, possibly due to our constant exposure to smartphones. The discipline it takes to sit through an entire novel has become a rarity. Today’s mass audiences need visually stimulating movies, television programs and of course, memes.
Finally, for those still opposing my superior opinion, I ask this: How many books are there on Netflix? Exactly. It’s called Netflix and chill, not Dr. Seuss and chill.
I believe this all proves my case. It is now just a matter of time until we all expel these ancient relics from our lives. Given the results of last Tuesday, there is evidence a large amount of Americans already have.