April 2014

Travgina Marmuff Cries at The Notebook In an effort to appeal to a wider demographic with its live music performances, Common Grounds will be hosting its first heavy metal festival on Saturday, April 6. While the campus’s chem-free coffeehouse is known primarily for quiet acoustic …

Ear Ben Ben Needs Neosporin Narrowly avoiding what would have been the start of a descent into alcoholism, Holden RA Dennis Mayer ’15 wrote up one of his residents for underage alcohol last Monday afternoon. Mayer was walking around his hall following a class when …

Why it matters Thinks he’s in charge On Wednesday morning, Nigel Thornberry ’15 paid attention for an entire class period, despite having his laptop in front of him. Dumbfounded classmates report that Thornberry only used his computer to take notes and didn’t once go online. …

Mariah is Joyous Maddi’s Resident Yardley Young ’17 found herself the subject of ridicule this past Monday after receiving yet another package from home. The ecstatic freshman, who hails from Columbus, Ohio, opened her mail while onlookers glared. “What a loser,” commented Melanie Edgewood ’15. …

  Eyeborgs Airing on SyFy Following a brief, five-minute conversation at a party on I.S. Monday, senior English major Tyler Goldschmidt reportedly felt he understood the basic gist of chemistry major Michael Hayes’s I.S. Goldschmidt, who last took chemistry in his junior year of high …

  Press Pressly Press Predator After spending weeks plotting revenge, College President Grant Cornwell decided on a way to get back at students for filling the arch with snow. Cornwell first became upset when he noticed that students who filled the arch were getting more …