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Can I feast?

Can I feast?

Every turkey question, answered

Anya Cohen

Features Editor

Thanksgiving is a dream come true for the obese at heart, like myself. Food, food, food, food, food. Turkey is not only delicious, but also makes you tired, and let’s be real, there is nothing better than passing out after a gargantuan meal.

We eat A LOT of turkey:

But just how humongous is this meal really? According to the National Turkey Foundation, in 2007 Americans consumed 690 million pounds of turkey on Thanksgiving. If you do the math, 690 million pounds is the equivalent to 4.48 million people at the average weight of 154 pounds. 4.48 million was the population of Singapore in 2005. So, we eat Singapore for Thanksgiving. Nom nom nom.

American face-off, Turkey v. Eagle:

Just how much does the U.S. love turkey? Clearly, not as much as Benjamin Franklin. Franklin was dead-set on the turkey being dubbed America’s official bird and was livid when the country opted for the ill-tempered eagle. He was so mad he even wrote a letter to his daughter stating the U.S. had made a mistake because the turkey is a “much more respectable bird.”

How to catch a turkey:

Do you ever get sick of the simplicity of buying a turkey at the grocery store? Are you looking for a little more adventure in your life? Why not catch your own Thanksgiving turkey? Turkeys may have 270 degree vision and may be able to run upwards of 20 miles per hour, but let that stop you not! The best turkey catching tactic (unless, of course, you a

ctually know how to hunt a turkey) is to trick them into looking up when it’s raining. Weird, right? Turkeys can actually drown if they look up when it’s raining. When they fall over, speed through the rain like the hungry American you are and claim your Thanksgiving turkey! Stupid turkeys.

Turkey day boosts U.S economy:

Did you know that in 1939 President Franklin Roosevelt changed Thanksgiving to be a week earlier than usual? All in the name of consumerism, my friend, all in the name of consumerism. Roosevelt, loving the holidays (and probably enjoying a booming economy), wanted to make the holiday season start a week early. There was such an angry outburst by tho

se gung-ho traditionalist Americans that Roosevelt had no choice but to declare Thanksgiving a National Holiday, only to be celebrated on the fourth Thursday of November.

Keep these facts in mind, namely the fact that you are consuming Singapore, when you dive into your turkey feast this Thanksgiving. Turkey. Food. Nom.

 

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